The Feeling of Stuckness and Unsettled Debts
Sometimes people book sessions not because something openly terrible has happened, but because a feeling of stuckness has appeared in their lives — outwardly they may look very successful while inwardly feeling empty or exhausted. I have observed that, when we examine dreams, unconscious material and intergenerational patterns, many people discover unsettled debts — emotional, practical or financial — that can keep them tethered.
By Iveta Upeniece
Why people book sessions
Sometimes people book sessions not because something openly bad has happened, but because a feeling of stuckness has appeared in their lives, even though on the surface they continue to function well.
From the outside their lives can appear tidy and Instagram-ready — they work diligently, make many decisions (often for others), take responsibility and seem to move forward — while inside there can be emptiness, exhaustion or confusion.
Outward functioning and inner emptiness
I notice a recurring contrast between competent, outward functioning and an inner feeling that something has come off the rails: repeated relational patterns, emotional loneliness, or a vague sense of being lost.
This mismatch often has no clear, logical explanation that the person can name right away, which makes it painful and bewildering.
Dreams, the unconscious and earlier generations
In sessions we often look beneath the socially acceptable layer — through dreams, unconscious material, repeated relationship patterns and stories from earlier generations — because this is where additional meaning can emerge.
All of this can matter: relationship dynamics, attachment patterns, what some clinicians describe as a 'trauma bond', emotional wounds, dream symbols, internal conflicts and unconscious processes that can influence choices more than we usually realize.
Unpaid debts and the loss of the child role
I have observed many forms of what I call unpaid debts: losing the child's freedom because an older sister took on a maternal role and looked after siblings while parents were occupied, or a child who became a caregiver to their parents and stayed in that role into adulthood.
Those unrecognized responsibilities can keep someone anchored in a life they did not choose, caring and serving rather than living their own life.
Waiting for recognition after separation
After separation some people become stuck waiting for recognition or gratitude from an ex‑partner, feeling that they invested all their energy and finances into the relationship and the children and carried most of the load alone.
I have heard many generalized examples where someone was persuaded to take on a loan or a purchase that later had to be repaid by them, while the former partner continued to use the car, equipment or other goods — situations that leave clients with anger and helplessness.
Money, responsibility and the business analogy
There are countless variations of this dynamic, and the difficulty of stopping investment in something that yields no return is a powerful image: it is like continuing to pour resources into a business that does not repay you.
The same applies to relationships — if so much has already been invested, stopping can feel nearly impossible because it would require admitting defeat, acknowledging mistakes, or confessing that one has lived as a function in someone else's life.
The pain of admitting and the question of starting again
Perhaps the most painful part is admitting to love, loyalty, naivety or mistakes, or acknowledging that you have been fulfilling a role rather than living your own life — this can make the idea of beginning again very frightening.
If these stories resonate with you, you are welcome to contact me for online sessions worldwide or for in‑person sessions in Tenerife; I can offer a careful, professional space to explore what might be sustaining the stuckness, without prescribing a single explanation.