The Lizard with a Lost Tail: Separation as a Symbol of Loss and Transformation
There are many different lizards in Tenerife, and the image of a lizard with a lost tail seems an apt symbol for the experience of divorce. In this piece I look at separation through a Jungian symbolic lens and recall how a large lizard with a stubby tail disappeared between the rocks.
By Iveta Upeniece
Lizards of Tenerife
Tenerife is home to many varied and interesting lizards; to me a lizard with a torn or lost tail is a precise symbol for divorce. This image — life preserved but wounded — opens a reflection on the loss, pain, and changes that separation can leave in the soul.
A Jungian perspective
I refer to Anima and Animus archetypes and to the path of individuation as a Jungian symbolic lens through which to view the experience of parting. These ideas function as symbols that help name inner changes and the process of integration — they are interpretive tools, not proven causal explanations.
Trauma bonds and attachment
I have written about trauma bonds: attachment in relationships can feel intensely compelling and be very difficult to leave. When people describe the experience, the image of Patrick Melrose struggling with addiction sometimes comes to mind; this is a literary image, not a clinical comparison. Lately I have noticed a synchronicity in my practice — several people's therapy goal is to leave a relationship that has become threatening or abusive. This can be an important step toward safety.
Tail as a metaphor for loss
In nature, a lizard drops its tail when it is in danger. As a metaphor, this can be connected with relationships that have become threatening — a person may feel they must give up a part of themselves in order to protect themselves. This symbolic tail might be an illusion of safety, hope in the other, self-love, closeness, the ability to trust fully, or the identity of 'we' — and when the relationship ends, that part can feel torn away with pain.
Regrowth and integration
The lizard's tail, as a metaphor, may 'regrow,' but it will not be the same — it may be thicker, stubbier, less sensitive, yet functional. Through a Jungian lens the psyche does not return to innocence after being wounded; it integrates the painful experience. In this view, individuation is about becoming healthier and more integrated, not simply returning to a previous state.
Mourning, strength, and the disappearing lizard
After a separation people often mourn not only the partner but the version of themselves that will not return — encountering oneself without the mirror of a relationship can be empty, frightening, and also revealing. And while I used the cliché that what does not kill us makes us stronger, it is important to add that suffering does not automatically make everyone stronger; strength can grow over time, with support, reflection, and chosen steps. I would have liked to add the photo of the large lizard with the stubby tail I saw today, but it proved swifter than I was and disappeared between the rocks.