“I Can’t Cope!” — The Feeling of Learned Helplessness
I often meet strong, capable women who suddenly feel helpless when unexpected difficulties appear. This reflection invites you to notice that pattern and rebuild trust in yourself through small, manageable steps.
By Iveta Upeniece
The first feeling
In sessions, I frequently meet women who appear strong and capable, yet feel panic and helplessness when an unexpected problem appears.
They usually resolve the situation later, but their first response is intense self-doubt and the feeling that they will not cope.
How the pattern can form
We often call this the feeling of learned helplessness. It can be connected to childhood experiences in which mistakes were followed by punishment or criticism, creating an inner association: a problem means trouble.
As an adult, a person shaped by this pattern may spend considerable energy trying to avoid every mistake, even though errors and unexpected events are a natural part of life.
Relationships and self-trust
Emotionally manipulative or controlling relationships can have a similar effect, gradually leading someone to believe that they could not cope or support themselves without their partner.
I am not speaking here about serious illness or tragic loss. This reflection concerns the everyday difficulties that most people encounter sooner or later.
An invitation to reflect
Trust in yourself grows through small experiments and through meeting manageable challenges independently. Like muscles that have not yet been trained, it becomes stronger with practice.
Notice what happens within you the next time a problem appears. Does panic arise first, or can you begin looking for one possible step forward? — Iveta