The Feeling of Happiness
The fulfilment of one of my life dreams became the inspiration for these reflections on happiness. After a life-changing turning point, I chose my own life and began building happiness from many small bricks — family, work, writing, nature, rhythm, friends, and a life closer to the sun and ocean.
By Iveta Upeniece
A dream fulfilled
Those who are in my circle know that yesterday I saw one of my life dreams come true. The feeling of happiness has not left me for a second day, and that sustained joy is the inspiration for this piece.
Internal and external systems
We live in many different systems, and within us are systems both biological and psychic. I again notice how Jung’s intuition- and observation-based ideas resonate for me, and some contemporary findings can invite renewed reflection on Jung’s observations, though that is not the focus here.
Bricks, cornerstones, and the start of therapy
Our inner and outer systems are built on different bricks and cornerstones. When I think back to myself before my studies in therapy and before I began consciously attending to myself — relationships, family, children, it all seemed to be there and I should have felt happy, but I did not; rather the opposite.
I cannot blame myself for seeing or feeling things ‘wrong’ because the bricks that supported my system were not in the best condition. Symbolically, too many of them had gotten wet too early — rain, frost, and then rain again — and they had not had time to dry.
Guided by the Self, I finally began to walk where I had long wanted to go, but something had always held me back. When I began studying and going to therapy myself, everything seemed at once interesting, inspiring, and frightening, of course, but definitely worth it. For a moment I wanted to finish the story like a fairy tale — and then she lived happily ever after — but life did not simply tidy itself into that ending.
A frightening turning point and choosing my life
Three and a half years ago I experienced a shocking moment with a diagnosis that made me fear I might have very little time left. In that instant my life became intensely personal, because any minute could be the last, let alone days or weeks or months.
It was logical, then, that I asked myself what I still wanted to experience immediately and today, since tomorrow might not come. Suddenly everything else fell to the background; completely everything, because I chose myself and my life with whatever time I had left.
Before that I had many dreams about where I would like to grow old and what I would like to do ‘someday’ when there was enough money and time, but the feeling that there might never be time left is profoundly unsettling — down to the depths of the soul.
Building happiness from many small bricks
So I began to add new, different bricks to my life on top of the existing good ones I love — family, work, writing, walks in nature, sport, and friends. Some of these I want to share here: drums and rhythm, and also changing my place of living so I can live my dream for as long as possible, enjoying the sun and the ocean.
All these different bricks, and the other small ones I have not listed here, are the things that bring and give me the feeling of happiness in which I can spend minutes and days. I wish from the heart that everyone builds their life from such happy bricks, because meaning is not in one miraculous thing but in how we feel and how we live each present minute.
Illustrating this: a cicada somehow ended up on my fifth-floor terrace, through which I experienced synchronicity — but I will tell more about that in the next essay.
Thank you if you read this.