Face in the Potato Salad: When the Emotional Vikings Return
Some clients come to therapy to learn better emotional regulation and manage impulsivity, and the work can feel Sisyphean through repeated efforts and painful setbacks. Progress may be seen in longer calm periods, earlier recognition of triggers, less intense reactions, more constructive expression of anger and the ability to take responsibility and repair after an outburst.
By Iveta Upeniece
Why the task can feel so difficult
Learning to regulate emotions and choose a considered response instead of acting on an impulse can be one of the most demanding goals in therapy because it takes repeated practice. A setback does not erase earlier work, but it does require an honest look at the consequences and a willingness to begin again.
The 'face in the potato salad' image
Someone once compared the aftermath of an outburst to waking after a party with your 'face in the potato salad', having to collect yourself and clear up the mess once again. This anonymised image captures the exhaustion and shame of the moment while reminding us that repair requires accountability and concrete action, not self-punishment alone.
When the emotional Vikings arrive
I like to describe these powerful surges of anger with the words 'the emotional Vikings are coming' because they can feel enormous and out of proportion to the external situation, even while seeming completely justified inside. Naming the state may help someone notice triggers earlier and prepare a plan for the moment when the emotional wave begins to rise.
Recognising uneven progress
Progress is rarely a straight line: calm periods may become longer, triggers may be recognised earlier and reactions may gradually lose intensity even when outbursts still recur. Meaningful progress also includes stopping sooner, expressing anger more constructively, apologising without excuses and addressing the harm done in a relationship.
Practical strategies and safety
Useful strategies include recognising early warning signs, practising grounding skills, planning a pause before conflict escalates and agreeing with loved ones on steps for rebuilding connection. Over time this work may support a steadier daily life and more constructive communication; if anger includes threats or violence, safety and professional support must come first.